i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
