when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Your cock deserves a montage
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
