I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize