I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
