This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize