we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
