No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
