I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
two words...techno handjob
he fucked my hip out of place.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
