I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I would fuck him just for his dog
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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