have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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