walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
