I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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