U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
