the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
