I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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