Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
