I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
