I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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