Kareoke will never be a sober sport
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
