I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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