totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
