I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
