Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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