I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
