Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
