Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
