I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
