I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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