So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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