were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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