I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ketchup is God's man juice
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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