Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
