You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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