he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize