Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
