so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
