Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
