Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
