You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
