I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
