So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
