I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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