I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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