let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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