We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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