you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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