I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
