well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
