and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize