i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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