I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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