Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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