Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
