Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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