I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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