need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
