why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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