I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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