Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
