I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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