Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
