your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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