Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
