So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
