i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
