so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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