I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
