I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We need to get me chipped asap
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
