Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
