we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
