I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
